I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
