these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Boobs are out for the taking
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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