All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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