i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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