Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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