Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
