Where is the hickey?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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