Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
