Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
