I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
