I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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