Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need moral support for this bender
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
