She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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