i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
