my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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