so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
