I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
