my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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