The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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