If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
