Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
