Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
