and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
