So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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