I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize