I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize