she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am one with the molecules
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need a beard to bite.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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