So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
