I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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