you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
