I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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