she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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