she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
