JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
