my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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