he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
