i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
