the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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