Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
