Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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