yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
