My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
