The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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