1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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