You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
