i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
