Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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