Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
