I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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