My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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