Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
