I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
