instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize