And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
