you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
