Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
