I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
