yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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