Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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