Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
