Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
